She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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