i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
