Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
