Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
