Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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