I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
