Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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