That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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