its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
