Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
