And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
