The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
