Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
