masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You need a sexual gate keeper
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
