i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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