did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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