Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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