I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
