so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
