just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
