Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
