I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
