i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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