i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
