Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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