Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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