how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
