I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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