Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
