just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
