Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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