if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
