You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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