my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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