T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
