I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
