I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
