It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
