When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize