omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
