we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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