Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
