Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
