More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
