so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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