my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
