i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
