Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
