no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
