Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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