would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
