Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
