So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
