i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
