I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
