I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
