Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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