He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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