I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize