They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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