Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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