OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
