I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
