Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
