ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
