she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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