Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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